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How to Give a Real Apology in 6 Steps

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If you are breathing, then you are going to blow it sometime soon.  I did this big time last week.  At the risk of writing my most transparent post to date, here is the story.

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I was on a video conference call with 2 of my co-workers and two IT guys from a vendor my company loves.  They do incredible work for us.  They constantly exceed our expectations.  (If you guys are reading this, we love you!)

I threw them a curve ball at the beginning of the meeting.  I let them know that one of our key team members would be late to the call, and I changed the agenda.  From that point, the call did not follow my expectations.

I had entered the call in a state of frustration already.  As the flow of the call was not following my mental agenda, I became more frustrated.  I pulled up a chat box with one of my co-workers.  I typed, “These guys are ticking me off.”

I was sharing my screen with the entire call!

Our vendors gave an audible reaction to what I typed.  I was mortified and embarrassed.  As is often the case with me, they paid for my inability to effectively deal with my frustration – that was caused by something else.  It had nothing to do with them.

I knew I would be apologizing to them and trying to make it right.  I attempted to do so immediately after the call.

The Apology

An apology has two purposes.  The first is to show remorse and contrition.  The second is to rebuild trust where you have caused hurt and pain.  To reconcile a relationship.

America is terrible at apologizing.  Think about Jason Giambi apologizing in 2005 for PED use.  Except he didn’t.  Ryan Braun did an OK job of it 18 months after he emphatically lied to the world.  Too little too late.  Anthony Weiner did a really nice job on his first apology.  However, it was insincere and his behavior continued.

So here is how my dad taught me how to apologize.

6 Steps To Giving a Real Apology

  1. Say You are Sorry – This is where you need to start.  Demonstrate your remorse first thing.
  2. Take responsibility – Pride is your enemy here.  It is impossible to give a real and genuine apology without humbling yourself.  You cannot make excuses.  You cannot blame shift.  These invalidate the apology.  There is no other posture that works than that of humility.
  3. Name it – Actually say what you did.  This is so difficult.  Naming your behavior makes it very real.  If you are going to skip a step, this is the one you will do.  To name what you did shows that you are empathizing with the other person.
  4. Ask for Forgiveness – Most people stop before this.  You say you are sorry and then assume that you are forgiven.  Explicitly ask for their forgiveness.  This demonstrates that you realize that they have a choice in forgiving you.  Sometimes, they will.  Sometimes, they won’t.
  5. Make Restitution – This won’t always apply, but there may be something you need to do to make right the situation.  Ask them what you can do.  Then do it.
  6. Commit to do better – Your apology must be validated, over time, by your changed behavior.  An apology should end with a commitment to not do that again.  However, if you behavior doesn’t change, your apology will be shown to be a bunch of hollow words.

Question: What do you think you should do when someone does not accept your apology? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

Download PDF of The 6 Steps

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How to Deliver Bad News – The Post I Wish I Had Read a Year Ago

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If you have never had to deliver bad news, you will.  There are good ways and bad ways to deliver this news.  I have proven over time that I am good at the bad ways.  More than anything, I’m writing this post to myself.

Photo courtesy of iStockPhoto.com

Photo courtesy of iStockPhoto.com

I fired my first team member.  I asked a friend if he was having an affair.  I told a friend that a decision didn’t go his way.  All of this in the last 18 months.  My default style – and I blame the Marine Corps for this – is very direct.  It is blunt.  I like to tell them the headline right up front.  Then I explain.

This does not tend to go well.  They hear the bad news, and then don’t hear anything else I say.  Looking back, I’m better at blind-siding people than giving them the best opportunity to receive the news well and with grace.

In the most recent case, my pastor was with me.  His comment to me when we were done – “You weren’t awesome.”  Frankly, I want to be awesome at this.  I want the words gentle, sensitive, and empathetic to apply as much as firm, decisive, and fair.  So that got me hunting.  I have researched some best practices and distilled them for you in the list that follows.

9 Next Practices in Delivering Bad News

  • In person – This should be a no-brainer, but if you are conflict-averse, it will be very difficult.  Delivering bad news is very emotional and your non-verbal communication has a huge impact.  Not over the phone.  Definitely not by email.  Do it in person.
  • ASAP – Bad news is not like wine.  It does not get better with age.  We too often stall, delay, or hesitate because it is hard.  Deliver bad news as soon as appropriate.
  • Sandwich – You may have heard of the sandwich method.  I’ve heard this taught numerous different times.  I’ve even coached my wife on how to use it.  But I have failed to use it.  The sandwich method is Positive – Negative – Positive.  In other words, you sandwich the bad news between positive statements or good news.  This is what I should have done in the case where my pastor remarked “not awesome.”
  • Decisive – Being decisive is hugely important when delivering bad news.  The one receiving the news needs to know that the decision has been made – period.  That may sound harsh, but it is not.  The alternative is to allow for wiggle room.  Wiggle room gives false hope, and that is truly harsh.  When it is time to deliver the news, look the person in the eye and give a straight-forward and decisive delivery.
  • Empathy – Empathy is the ability to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and feel what they are feeling.  I almost completely lack this skill.  Would that CVS had a pill for this.  I would buy it.  This was the advice given me by one of my confidants.  Try to anticipate how the other person will feel.
  • Surprise – Rather, don’t surprise.  I do this to people too often.  I don’t want them to know ahead of time that there could be bad news, so I surprise them.  This is mean.  Give people a head’s up about what’s coming.  It allows them to prepare themselves emotionally.  It can take shock out of their reaction.  Warning them is compassionate.
  • Truthful and Concrete – This is the part that I’m good at.  Don’t beat around the bush.  Tell them why.  Give them the truth.  But give it to them with as much love as possible.  I’ve heard the quote:  “Truth without Love is brutality.  Love without Truth is sentimentality.”  I think it applies here.  Speak the truth in love.
  • Silver Lining – I hesitated putting this one on the list because it could sound like spin.  However, there is almost always a silver lining.  I think it can be positive to point it out.  If not for them to consider when their emotions come back down to earth.
  • Dignity and Respect – Should you do the first 8 on the list, the result should be that the person hearing the bad news will feel treated with dignity and respect.  That is your goal.  A goal that I have repeatedly failed at.

Question: What have you found to be the best way to deliver bad news? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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CRE Tech & App Review – ClientLook and Today’s Big Announcement

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In January of this year, I wrote a post on why you should use a Simple and Cloud-Based CRM System.  In that post, I profiled ClientLook.  I’m not going to rehash what I wrote before.  I do want to give you an update and discuss their excited announcement today.

clientlook logo

Update on My Previous Beefs

Speed – I mentioned in my previous post that my main beef with ClientLook was the speed.  That is no longer an issue.  ClientLook has made numerous upgrades in this department and it cooks.  Very fast.  Thank you!

Property Database – ClientLook is now in development of a property database.  Today, I got to see a screenshot of it.  This will make ClientLook a complete solution for me.

Upgrades

Email – One thing that is difficult to track, quantify, and report on is email.  ClientLook makes it very easy to automatically attach emails to specific projects and contacts.  Each project or contact in your database has a specific email addresses generated for it.  All you have to do is include that email address in an email, and that email will be recorded in the correct project and/or contact in ClientLook.

The big win with this is with reporting.  You should be reporting to your clients on a monthly basis.  Most of us track who we spoke with, how many property tours, how many offers, etc.  What gets lost is all the time and work that happens via email.  ClientLook solves this for you.

A best practice for this functionality is creating a contact in your email program with the project email address.  For example, create a contact for your listing 123 Main St.  Now you don’t have to remember the email address.  You just put 123 Main St in the bcc line.  Piece of cake.

Search – I griped a little before about the search capability of ClientLook.  They have taken large strides in this area.  It is now much easier to navigate through 1000’s of contacts quickly.  You can also search and quickly find notes in a contact or project file.

Today’s Announcement (Sept. 26th, 2013)

On a webinar today, Michael Griffin announced that ClientLook has formed a strategic alliance with xceligent.com.  I have known about this for some months, so it is good to be able to talk about it.  I think this is a big with for the Commercial Real Estate industry.

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xcelligent.com’s answer to Loopnet is the newly launched – and very free – CommercialSearch.com.  Most of the national CRE firms have their listings populated on CommercialSearch.  I am working right now with Michael Griffin to get all of Sperry Van Ness’s listings on there as well.  It may have already reached critical mass.  Your listings should be on there.

Michael’s announcement today centered around 4 things.

  1. Automated Lead Generation – A prospect is on CommercialSearch and is looking at your listing.  When they click to get more information, CommercialSearch captures their information.  It then checks to see if the prospect is already in your ClientLook database.  If not, it creates the new contact, including all contact information, and notifies you of a new lead.  Pretty sweet.  They are also developing a plugin to do the same on your website.
  2. Automatic Activity Reporting – Some of you will run a report on a monthly basis from Loopnet and give it to your listing client showing online activity.  Wouldn’t it be nice if Loopnet automatically put that in your CRM for you – and in the right place?  CommercialSearch does that for ClientLook.  All that data in one place makes me “happy, happy, happy!”
  3. Property Marketing – The information will also flow the other way.  A new listing in ClientLook will automatically be placed on CommercialSearch for you.  Efficiency is a beautiful thing.
  4. Real-Time Embedded Research – This is cool.  If xcelligent.com covers your market and you subscribe, you can run reports.  Say you want a list of all the attorneys in town using over 15,000 sf of office space.  You can import that list automatically into ClientLook.  The exciting part is any time xcelligent.com updates the contact information for one of those attorneys, it will update in your ClientLook account.

I’m excited to see how this shakes out and if CommercialSearch.com can reach critical mass so that these integrations can be of great value.  I am confident that it will.

Question: What do you think about the partnership between ClientLook and xcelligent.com? What new functions and products would you like to see come out of the partnership? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

 

 

 

 

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My cousin, Lindsey O’Brien Kesling, was just 22 years old when she died due to accidental carbon monoxide poisoning in her Scottsdale, Arizona apartment in November 2010. My little bro, Timmy Baron (26), stars in this informative video produced/edited by Lindsey’s brother, William Kesling (19), www.williamkesling.com, and filmed by Dane Kissel.

LOK Wishing Tree Foundation is a youth arts organization founded in Lindsey’s memory. Besides their focus on creating performing and creative arts opportunities for youth in underserved areas, LOK Wishing Tree Foundation also feels a strong commitment to carbon monoxide awareness and safety to help prevent other tragic deaths.

I ask you to sign the petition mentioned in the video to make CO testing mandatory in all states.  The next 30 seconds of your life could save the lives of many others.  Please act now by going here to sign the petition – Lindsey O’Brien Kesling Wishing Tree Foundation.

To get more information about the LOK Wishing Tree Foundation – click here!

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How to Teach Your Kids the Power of Adding Value

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I live on a golf course.  If you push it right off the 7th tee, I get to keep your golf ball.  My family spends a good amount of time playing in the back yard.  I’m very thankful that none of us have been hit yet.

Photo courtesy of iStockPhoto.com

Photo courtesy of iStockPhoto.com

Earlier in the summer, I was in the back yard playing pitch and catch with my boys.  Suddenly, a shiny Titleist Pro V1 came flying into the yard.  My 7 year-old ran to grab it.  Then he took it up to the course and sold it back to the owner.  He provided a small service to this man and added value to his life.  He made $2.  I was one proud dad.  My wife was mortified.

Now imagine a 7 year-old toe-head with a huge smile doing a victory dance.  It was awesome.

That episode got me thinking about how my dad taught me how to work when I was a kid.  I mowed his empty lots.  I dug ditches.  I worked at his carwash.  He gave me jobs instead of money, and I am grateful for that.

I’m sure I will do the same with my boys.  However, I want to teach them how to create tremendous value and be paid for it.  I want them to catch the entrepreneur bug at an early age.  If they can learn self-discipline as well, they should never lack.  Or at least they won’t be a burden to the taxpayer.

So here is what we did to start their first business.

Inventory

We went to my neighbor who has lived on this street for years.  He has thousands of golf balls that he’s collected over the years.  I took my 7 year old with me and we offered to buy some of his golf balls in bulk.  I was going to play the role of the bank and finance their startup.  They could pay me back from their cashflow.

Somewhat unfortunately, my neighbor is so fond of my son, he just gave him about 150 golf balls.  I really wanted them to learn about cost of goods sold, but my neighbor would not take our money.

Preparation

These are used golf balls.  Many are in great shape.  Many had head-butted cart paths and trees.  Many were just dirty.  So we grabbed a bucket, dumped all the balls in there, and filled it up with water.  Even my 4 year-old baby girl got in on the action to play with the water hose.

We then cleaned and dried them off.  I had the opportunity to discuss quality control with them and the importance of creating an excellent product.

Sorting

If you are a golfer, you know there is a big difference between some balls and others.  We then sorted all the balls into three groups.  Group A was the Pro V1 and its equal.  Group B was filled with the NXT type.  Group C were the ones you would hit into a corn field and not go looking for them.

Packaging

When we had our groups sorted, we packed our product.  Each bag contained 5 golf balls – 0ne from Group A and two from both B and C.

Our thinking was if the A ball could be around $5 out of the box, then we would sell the group of 5 for $5.

Sales Pitch

I then taught my boys the sales pitch.  When a golfer tees off and lands close to our yard, the run and grab a bag of their product.  They then locate the golfers ball for them.  “Sir, we have the best deal in town!  Buy a Pro V-1 for $5 and get four balls for free!”  It is a sight to see.

I want my boys to learn how to create value for others and generate income, and they are getting a taste.  It was a joy to see the light in their eyes when they made their first sale.  I love it when we are throwing in the back yard, and they drop their gloves and run to get their “inventory” to sell to a customer.  I hope that it will start a drive in their bellies.

So here’s to Will and Ben – business owners!

Question: How did you learn to sell? What other ways can you think of to equip the next generation? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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Who Else Wants to Sell More Property Faster?

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If you want to really maximize your income in commercial real estate, this could be one of the most important posts that you read this year.  But first – a story.

iStock_000003195421Large

I remember when airbags in vehicles became widely accepted and used.  It was the late 80’s.  That made me about 11 years old.  I remember being fascinated with them.  How did they work?  How could they pop out that fast?

By the mid 90’s, however, airbags were a standard feature of all cars.  At their onset, airbags were a selling feature.  They provided such added safety during collisions.  But once they were standard, that dynamic changed.  You would never buy a car because it had an airbag.  You would hesitate to buy a car without it.

Last week, I wrote a post on the three P’s of real estate:

  1. Put up a sign
  2. Put it online
  3. Pray

The three P’s are the airbags of Commercial Real Estate – or all real estate for that matter.  This list of 3 is what anyone and everyone does.  It is a commoditized feature set.  It is the opposite of a differentiator.

You may have heard of the Broker Continuum – Finding, Winning, and Fulfilling Business.  What I am referencing in this post is moving a listing or assignment from being won to fulfillment.

So here are the steps that top performers execute with extreme discipline when they win a listing.  This is proactive marketing.

The 5 Steps of Proactive Marketing

  1. Profile the ideal buyer/customer – This is a best practice of all salespeople.  What does your ideal buyer look like?  The same applies to a piece of property for sale.  What are the top 3 best uses of that property?  Build your profile and give it a name.  Not only will this clarify the next steps, but it a great way to educate your client and demonstrate your expertise.
  2. Build a list – Once you have the profile of the ideal buyer, build a list of those prospects.  This is just like building a database for your prospecting efforts.
  3. Pursue the list
    • Direct mail – Post card use is a dying tactic, but it is so effective.  Send the ideal buyers on your list something in the mail – a post card or something else.  The mail is a cost-effective way to hit everyone on your list quickly.
    • Email Blast – I am amazed that every advisor or salesperson doesn’t have an account with iContact, MailChimp, or something like it.  You can email your list through these services and almost guarantee it will hit their inbox.  Most importantly, you can see who actually opened the email.  You can see how many times they opened it.  You can see if they clicked on a link, downloaded a package, etc.  These services are super affordable, by the way.
    • Phone Call – Use your email blast analytics to triage who to call.  If someone opened the email more than once or clicked on a link…top of the call list.
  4. Engage the Brokerage Community
    • Contact brokers with similar listings – Advisors don’t do this enough.  Make sure that all brokers who have similar listings know about yours.  Then ensure them that if they bring you a buyer who didn’t like the other listing, you will be happy to share your fee.
    • Host a broker forum – Broker forums are a lot of work to put together.  However, they produce results.  They offer the opportunity to put deals together.  They proactively encourage cooperation.  They build relationships and trust.  All of these are huge wins for your business.
    • Email blast – Don’t forget to blast the brokerage community.  Follow up with them the same way you would the ideal buyer.  The single best way to access the largest buyer pool is through the brokerage community.  Turn your competitors into your de facto agents.
  5. Utilize online ads – I’m not going to unpack this, but look into Google AdWords.  These give you the ability to buy ads that only show up to the demographic you specify.  You can seriously target your ideal profile.  This is cheap and potentially very effective.

I ask you to do two things with this information.  First, apply it to your business.  Build a system and then execute.  

Second, share with theBarronBlog community what else you do to proactively market your listings. You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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